you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
