What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
