dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
you're hired as official boob wrangler
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
