hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
