Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
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