The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
