I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
