One girl and one boy is just not enough.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
