I think my fart just growled at me.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
