one two three fourrrrnication!
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize