even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Randomize
