the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
