Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
