I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
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