i need an iv and a liver transplant
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
