So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i love accidental penises.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
