Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
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