Where did you get a picture of my penis
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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