i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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