ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
