he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize