Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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