This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
