Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
