R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
