i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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