Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
