last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
