Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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