my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
