I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Randomize
