You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
