its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
