it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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