He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
