I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
