It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
