Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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