you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
