office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize