Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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