when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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