as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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