She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
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