Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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