and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
