i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
