After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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