you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
