Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Randomize