She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
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