you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
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