Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
