Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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