And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
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