apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
