I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize