I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
