I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
