i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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