If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
