wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
