Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
and you fell through a lawn chair
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
