God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
