we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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