new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
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