The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
